Jadezee: Math
by Here I am Rambling Again
Summary: HUMANSTUCK. Gamzee works for Jade at a corner mart, and Jade discovers that he can't multiply. Poorly written smut ensues.
1. Chapter 1

"Gamzee, how much Faygo is in the back room?"

"Uh, just gimme a motherfucking sec."

The tall boy disappeared through the door behind the counter, and Jade scanned her store wearily. For three years she had run the corner mart, dealing out sodas and candy bars and minimum wage summer jobs. She recently had hired Gamzee, face paint and all, for the winter break. Jade wasn't particularly fond of his language or his messiahs, but he didn't complain about mopping the floor or restocking the shelves. Sighing, she looked back down at the text book in front of her, the small print explaining the specifics of agricultural biology. She had always loved plants, and the pots outside her shop were always overflowing with greenery. After trudging her way through the rest of the chapter, Jade glanced around, realizing Gamzee wasn't back yet. She sighed again, and poked her head into the back room.

"Fifty-five, fifty-six, fifty…uh…seven-"

"Gamzee?" The boy started, looking up from his work, keeping a finger on the bottle he was on. She smiled and walked forward, placing a hand on his hunched back. "Honey, are you counting those one by one?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Well I don't see why motherfucking not."

"But, they're in packs of six."

"Uh, so?"

"So why don't you count how many six-packs and multiply that by six?" He looked at her blankly, and she sighed. "Here, count all the six-packs." He nodded, slowly pulling his finger off the bottle it was on and moving it back over the cardboard holders.

"That's eleven motherfucking six-packs."

"Good!" Jade smiled at the pride in Gamzee's eyes. "Can you multiply that by six?"

His face suddenly dropped, and he hung his head. "I…never learned to motherfucking do all that fancy times table shit."

"Oh." He sighed sadly and shrugged Jade's hand off. He sat down on a box of water bottles, brushing the hair out of his face. He stared intently at the Faygo next to him for a few moments and then looked up at her.

"There's sixty-five bottles of Faygo."

"No, there should be sixty six-"

"I may not be able to motherfucking multiply, but I can subtract." He pulled a bottle from the closest pack at popped it open. She made a face as he downed half the bottle. "Do you even know what this shit tastes like?"

"Not really, no…" He laughed, tossing her a bottle and patting the stack of boxes next to him. She smiled and sat atop the tower, carefully opening the soda.

"To not knowing shit." Gamzee said, lifting his drink.

"To not knowing things." Jade agreed, clicking her glass against his. She took a tiny sip and smiled. "It's good."

"You didn't drink it right. You gotta motherfucking slam that wicked elixir!" He threw his head back, guzzling the entire bottle. Jade attempted to follow suit; only making it through half the bottle before it hit her nose. She sneezed, and continued drinking, finishing the bottle before sneezing again.

"Ugh, it goes right to your no-hic-se." Gamzee laughed as she hiccupped again, glaring at him. "It's not –hic- funny!"

He laughed a little more before quieting down, Jade's hiccups echoing in the small room. "You know the best way to get rid of motherfucking hiccups?" Gamzee asked quietly, slowly standing up.

"Um…no?" Jade had to look up to see his face despite her perch atop the boxes.

"You gotta scare 'em out."

A/N: YUS humanstuck. Chapter two will be smut. Enjoy, r&r, all that good shit.


	2. Chapter 2

Scare...?" Jade looked up at Gamzee wide eyed.

"Did I motherfucking stutter?" He grinned, bringing his dopey eyes down to her level. "All I'm up and saying is you gotta scare them hiccups away. Like this," she looked at him worridly for half a second before Gamzee crashed his lips to hers. Startled, she froze, staring at painted eyelids. After a minute she relaxed, kissing the clown back lightly.

Lightly wasn't what Gamzee was looking for. He pushed Jade's back to the wall, licking her lips. She complied, allowing the clown access. He began to play with the hem of her shirt as he tilted his head to reach deeper into her mouth. He broke the kiss a few moments later, only to rid Jade of her shirt. He reached up, fondling her breasts through her bra. She groaned, combing her hands into messy black hair. Gamzee broke the kiss, and chuckled at her flushed face before kissing down her jaw and neck. He ran his tongue down the hem of her bra, spiderlike fingers sneaking back to unhook it. It fell off her shoulders, and Gamzee pulled it away, tearing his shirt off as well.

"A-ah, G-gamzee!" Jade shrieked as he latched onto a nipple, sucking and biting. Smirking, he ran his hands down her hips stopping at the hem of her skirt. He hooked his fingers under, the buttons snapping after a sharp yank. He pulled it off, dragging it teasingly to her knees. He did the same with her panties, lowering them just enough so he could fit his face between her legs. Jade yelped as his tongue lapped out at her clit, pleasure shooting up her spine, and she grabbed at his shoulders, desperate for a lifeline. His tongue continued to explore, after many long moments, venturing into her core. She screamed, nails raking along Gamzee's back.

He chuckled and pulled back out, licking a few more times before he fumbled with his jeans. Jade kicked her skirt and underwear the rest of the way off, legs widening in anticipation. Finally Gamzee had opened his jeans, pushing them, along with his boxers, past his hips. He readied himself at her entrance, and they both tensed in antisipation. Slowly, he pushed in, careful not to hurt her. After inching in slowly, he was completely sheathed inside her. A moment later, Jade nodded, ans Gamzee slowly pulled back out before slamming back in. She moaned, bucking into him along with his breakneck rhythm.

Their movements became more frenzied, and soon they were just a mass of writhing, sweaty bodies. At one point, Gamzee found a spot that made Jade scream and arch into him, and he aimed to hit it every time. Her shouts and yelps and moans filled the small storeage room, echoing off bottles and cans. A few more thrusts and she screeched out Gamzee's name over and over, bucking into him like her life depended on it. This sent him over the edge as well; thrusting in one more time before pulling out, dumping his load all over her chest and face.

"Wow... Gamzee..." she croaked, throat raw. "That was..." Jade tried to catch her breath, weakly wiping up some of the seed.

"Motherfucking amazing." He finished, kissing her one last time before standing. He helped her dress again, buttoning his pants and pulling back on his shirt. Tired and sore, they walked back out to the counter.

Jade scanned the store nervously, worried someone had seen. No one was there however, and she sighed, looking back down at her text book. Grinning she stared unseeing at the page, mind wandering to events prior.

Maybe this summer wouldn't suck so badly after all.

A/N: THIS IS SO BAD IM SORRY. Wrote it at one in the morning and I don't have it in me to edit. Sorry for this. XP


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